Remembering Buckley
I spent much of today remembering Buckley. Even though the actual anniversary of the date of her passing is not until tomorrow, I think it will always be the Friday after Thanksgiving that will mark the event for me. First anniversaries are hard, and the holidays only compound the sadness. I’ve found that the only way to mark these anniversaries is to immerse myself in memories. It’s impossible to not be thinking “this time last year, she was still here,” and no amount of distraction will push these thoughts out of my mind, so rather than pretending it’s just another day, I’ve chosen to consciously observe this milestone.
So today, I began the day by putting up my Christmas tree. As those of you who read my book know, Christmas was always a special time for Buckley, Amber and me. Putting up the tree is always emotional for me – so many of my ornaments hold so many memories, from the silver bell which had been on the Christmas trees of my childhood, to the photo ornaments of Feebee, Buckley, and my parents, to the many cat-themed ornaments given to me by friends, decorating the tree always brings smiles, as well as tears. This year, it brought more tears than smiles, and at times, I questioned whether it was the right decision to do this today, but once I finished decorating, I was glad I did. Each and every holiday season, my tree brings me lovely moments of peace and contemplation that I don’t experience in quite this way at any other time of the year, so it was the right thing to do today.
Later in the day, I looked at photos and videos of Buckley, and Amber and Buckley together, and remembered all the wonderful times the three of us shared. Yes, there were tears, but there were also lots of smiles. And just a little while ago, I marked the actual hour when Buckley gently passed into the non-physical dimension. I quietly sat on the loveseat where she spent her final minutes with me, and connected with her spirit. I felt sad, but I also felt her love and her indomitable joyful essence with me. For me, it’s this conscious observance of this anniversary that honors the memory of her wonderful spirit and the amazing changes she has brought into my life.
And with this anniversary, the sadness and the pain of missing her is tempered by the knowledge that she is still teaching, and that she is reaching far beyond my small world through her book. Thank you, little girl, for being the joyful master teacher you were, and still are.
Buckley – Endless Love and Joy
Love, Tears, and Joy to you Ingrid, and to Amber, and to little Buckley. ~R
Thank you for your lovely comment, Renee.
My heart goes out to you, Ingrid, on this first, and yes, maybe most difficult anniversary without Buckley. I know how special this time of year was for you with him and Amber. Blessings & love to you & the spirit of Buckley.
Thank you for your beautiful words, Dawn. It helps knowing that Buckley continues to spread her message of love and joy through the book.
Love and tears to you. I found your message inspirational.-
Thank you so much, Esme. I’m glad you found my post inspirational – it’s always my hope that by sharing my experience with pet loss and grief, I can maybe help others who are going through it.
I’ve allowed tears to actually spill over, even IF a customer comes into my business and chatches me with a tear-stained face (and one just came in – I scampered for a tissue!). Unfortunately in our human lives, a little rain must fall, and to feel such deepdeep pain is a sure indicator that alot of loving has taken place! “It is better to have loved and lost, than to never loved at all”.
I will remember Buckley while quietly, invisibly standing beside you. If she was ANYTHING like my little Edgar, she had to be r-e-a-l-l-y something!
I share your grief and your sadness.
Take comfort in your memories of little Buckley and cry, cry, cry…tears help to heal our hearts.
Love,
=^..^=
Thank you for your beautiful note, Cindy. I like to think that Buckley and your Edgar have maybe met by now and are comparing notes – and perhaps agreeing that they, too, miss us and the time they spent with us.
What a beautiful post, Ingrid. You marked Buckley’s passing exactly as I would have, or will, next year when I face Matisse’s anniversary of his passing away. Sadly, Matisse lost his battle with cancer on the 19th. I hope that he is romping around full of health in kitty heaven right now, and has met Buckley and Edgar who can hopefully show him around. I cried when I read about your memories with the Christmas ornaments. We put up Matisse’s Xmas stocking yesterday, as he will always be our special boy. Wishing you much peace. –Laura
Oh Laura, I’m so sorry about Matisse! My heart goes out to you. I love that you hung his stocking – I know it’ll be a bittersweet holiday season for you, but it’s one way to make him a part of it. He’ll always be in your heart, of course. I like the idea of him, Edgar and Buckley together – that’s a very comforting thought.
[...] the weekend before Thanksgiving, the Cat Writers Association conference. November 28 marked the first anniversary of Buckley’s passing, and it made for a quiet Thanksgiving weekend spent remembering my little cat and being grateful [...]