Writing, by its very nature, is a solitary occupation.  Because of that, it suits my nature – while I enjoy spending time with people, I am a true introvert, which doesn’t necessarily mean I’m shy, but it does mean that I get my energy from being by myself, and from going inward, rather than from being around a lot of people.  However, balance is important, and I believe it’s not only fun, but necessary, for writers to get out and mingle with other writers.  I was delighted when mystery writer and neighbor Alan Orloff told me about yesterday’s workshop at The Writer’s Center in Bethesda, MD.  Sponsored by the Mystery Writers of America’s MWA University, the program was, of course, designed for mystery writers, and I write non-fiction, but I figured writing is writing and I’d probably still learn something.  Besides, I’m an avid mystery reader and I thought it would be fun to get a look at the craft of writing them from some of the masters in the genre.   I was not disappointed.

The day started with a presentation by Jess Lourey on how to turn a good idea into a great novel.  In addition to a great lecture on her topic, Jess used the funniest term ever for what she called a memoir thinly disguised as a novel:  chickenshitography!  The term reminded me of my own struggle during the writing of Buckley’s Story about revealing and sharing personal information about me with the world.  Now why didn’t I think about writing my book as a novel!  But I digress.  The day continued with Hallie Ephron’s lecture on dramatic structure and plot.  As a reader of mysteries, I found this fascinating because it really showed me how much work goes into writing them.  Next, Daniel Stashower presented a segment on the process and pitfalls of choosing a setting and the ways in which descriptive passages can be honed to illuminate characters and themes.  After lunch, Donna Andrews talked about character development and dialogue, followed by a segment on editing presented by Reed Farrel Coleman.

But for me, the highlight of the day was Hank Phillippi Ryan’s presentation on The Writing Life.  Hank’s talk focused on the realities of being a writer – everyone has doubts, your first draft will always be terrible, you will face rejection – without making it sound depressing.  Hank told us to keep an open mind for criticism, but to not let it stampede us.  Ultimately, we have to listen to our inner voice, and not everyone else’s.  She admonished us to not lose sight of celebrating in the face of the challenges the writing life brings:  celebrate that moment when that first box of books arrives on your doorstep!  Celebrate that first fan e-mail!  Celebrate that first really great review!  She also reminded us to celebrate our fellow writers’ successes instead of being envious and wondering “why not me.”   Next time, it will be you.  She reminded us that writing doesn’t end when we turn in the manusript, as writers, we have to promote and market and sell our books, too.  She said the reality is simple:  there’s never enough time to get it all done.  She suggested to organize our promotional activities into three lists:  must do, nice to do, and would do if I had time.  But most importantly, Hank told us that we have a choice.  We can choose to be successful, or we can choose not to be.  With a positive mindset, nothing is impossible.

I found Hank’s presentation so uplifting and inspirational, it actually brought tears to my eyes a couple of times.  I felt grateful and humbled for having discovered this wonderful writing life, and for belonging to the community of writers.  And even though I have a TBR pile that is out of control and had definitely not intended to buy any more books at this workshop, after listening to Hank’s talk, I just had to buy one of the last three copies of Drive Time, the 4th book in Hank’s Charlotte McNally series, and Hank graciously autographed it for me.  I’ll treasure it as a reminder of how her talk inspired and moved me.

Buckley in her office at the animal hospital

For a limited time, I’m offering a free download of the Prologue and the entire Chapter One of Buckley’s Story – click below to download.  I hope you enjoy!

Buckley’s Story Prologue and Chapter One

If you like what you read and want to know the rest of the story, you can purchase the book at Amazon or Barnes and Noble online.

On May 13, I had to let Amber go after a brief, sudden illness.  Less than a year and a half after I lost Buckley, I was faced with grieving yet again. 

It’s not like I hadn’t experienced loss in my life before.  Most of us who’ve reached the age I’m at have had to deal with loss.  I lost my mother in 1994 after a brief illness.  I lost my soul mate cat Feebee in 2000 after a valiant seven-month battle with lymphoma.  I lost my office cat Virginia in 2002 after a brief decline following a fourteen-year-long life with FIV.  I lost my father in 2004 to heart disease and cancer.  And as those of you who’ve read Buckley’s Story know, I lost Buckley after she was diagnosed with restrictive cardiomyopathy and given a very poor prognosis that she outlived by a considerable amount of time.  I had lots of experience with grief, and I survived all of these losses more or less gracefully.  I learned that there is only one way to deal with grief, and that’s to go through it.  There is no way around it.  You can’t run from it.   I learned about the stages of grief.  I learned that you don’t go through them step by step, but rather, that you sometimes cycle through them over and over, until, at some point, mercifully, you may find that you’ve reached the final stage, acceptance.  But even reaching acceptance doesn’t mean that you ever really get “over” a loss. 

So you’d think that with all this personal experience in grieving, I would have been better prepared to handle losing Amber.  The force of my grief caught me completely off guard.  And I realized, in the middle of the shock, the tears, and the pain, that I had never lost a loved one as unexpectedly and suddenly as I lost her.  Twelve short days, from the time that she was mildly ill to the time that I had to let her go.  I never expected her to not get better when I agreed to hospitalize her.  I always expected her to come home.   I spoke with one of the doctors caring for her at 4:30am the morning of May 13.  She had had a good night, and he thought that there might even be a chance that she could come home later that day.  Six hours later, her doctor called to let me know that she’d taken a turn for the worse.  There were other things they could medically do to try and save her, but her prognosis was poor.  I made the agonizing decision to stop treatment, bring her home, and spend the afternoon with her before my vet came to the house that evening to help her with a peaceful transition.

I’m still in the middle of the early, intense stage of grieving.  As with all my losses, there are commonalities.  Despite the incredible outpouring of love and support from not only my ”real life” friends, but also my online friends,  there are times when I feel alone in my grief, disconnected from the world around me and normal everyday activities.   I’m physically exhausted most of the time – grief takes a toll not just emotionally,  but physically.  I try to take care of myself as best as I can, by trying to eat regular meals, getting some exercise, and staying connected with friends.  But it’s hard.   Going out into the world is challenging – how can life be going on when my world has changed irrevocably?  In The Healing Art of Pet Parenthood, author Nadine M. Rosin, after losing her nineteen-year-old dog Buttons, writes:  “…being out in public felt totally bizarre, as if the world had come to an end because of some horrible disaster, life as we’d known it on the planet was over, but I seemed to be the only person who knew about it.”  I’ve rarely heard this particular emotion of feeling out of synch with the rest of the world expressed better.  I’m limiting social engagements to activities with friends who understand my grief, and I’m fortunate that most of the people in my life are animal people, and they do understand.  I simply don’t have it in me to make polite chit-chat with those who don’t. 

I know I’ll make it through this, just like I did through all my other losses.  But I am realizing that this one may leave me forever changed in ways that the others didn’t.   And perhaps it has to do with the suddenness of the loss.  I’ve always had time to prepare for loss.  While anticipatory grieving is difficult, I believe that it does help in the end – you have time to get used to the idea of eventually having to go on without your loved one.  But Amber was a healthy, happy cat who had rarely been sick in her life.  There was nothing that could have prepared me for this.   Perhaps, as I come out on the other side of this, I’ll have some words of wisdom on how to cope with sudden, unexpected loss.  For now, all I can offer is that it’s much harder, much more painful, and much more complicated than my other losses.  With the others, I rarely second-guessed myself.  I didn’t rail at the universe for having my loved one taken from me so quickly and so senselessly.  I didn’t blame myself for decisions I made during Amber’s last two weeks.  I just grieved.   With this one, I’m discovering new territory as I go through it.  When I get to a point where it makes some sense, I’ll share it with you.

What I can say is this (and I’ll do my best to take my own advice):  grief is a process.  Be gentle with yourself as you go through it.  Allow those who undertand to support you, and stay away from those who don’t.  It’s too painful to deal with people who say things like “it’s only a cat,” “you should get on with your life,” “when are you going to get another one?” and other careless things like that, or worse, those who don’t say anything at all.  Yes, it may be their own discomfort with death that makes them remain silent, but it’s incredibly painful for the person going through the loss to not receive some sort of acknowledgment.

Grief can be a transformational experience.   It rips your heart wide open, and you’ll never be the same.  It’s up to each individual whether they’ll choose to let grief destroy them, or whether they’ll do the challenging and difficult work that will ultimately allow it to be transformed into personal growth and expansion.  To honor Amber, her love, and all she has brought into my life, I don’t see how I have any other choice except to let something good come from this devastating loss.

Amber and I are on the cover of the spring issue of the Delta Society’s Interactions magazine, a magazine celebrating the human-animal health connection and our animal companions. 

Andrea Leigh Ptak’s article titled More Than Pets – How Animals Enrich Our Lives, features a segment contributed by me, under the heading Coping with Loss.  I had completely forgotten that Andrea had requested a contribution from me for this article, and I certainly had no idea that Amber and I would end up on the cover.  It seems rather timely, all things considered.

Here’s the segment:

Our pets can help us get through difficult life changes in ways that our two-legged friends never can.

Ingrid King considers her cat Feebee a life saver.  “Feebee was a grey tabby cat who came into my life when my former husband and I moved to Northern Virginia.  When my marriage ended after he had been a part of our family for ten years, it was never a question that he would stay with me.  And it’s a good thing he did.  Because the divorce was only the beginning of a very dark period in my life:  four months after my former husband left, my mother passed away after a short illness.  Between trying to adjust to life as a newly single woman, and mourning the untimely passing of my mother, I felt completely overwhelmed.  Just getting through each day seemed impossible at times.  But Feebee was by my side for all of it, and somehow, I managed.  He let my tears soak his soft grey fur.  His quiet, loving presence eased my sadness.    He was a great listener, and his rumbling purr provided comfort.  He cheered me up with his utter cuteness.

Despite his loving presence, the pain and sadness sometimes became unbearable, and there were times when I considered just ending it all.  But whenever these dark thoughts entered my mind, I would also think of Feebee.  Knowing that someone still loved and needed me made it impossible to give up on life.   Who would take care of him if I wasn’t around?  And each and every time, love pulled me back from the edge – this special love between a cat and his person.  Feebee gave me many gifts throughout the almost sixteen years he spent with me, but none greater than the gift of life. ” 

The Delta Society is a non-profit organization dedicated to to help lead the world in advancing human health and well-being through positive interactions with animals.  They help people throughout the world become healthier and happier by incorporating therapy, service and companion animals into their lives.  For more information, visit www.deltasociety.org.

Buckley’s Story received a wonderful endorsement from Alice Villalobos, DVM, DPNAP.

Dr. was the 2005-06 President of the American Association of Human Animal Bond Veterinarians (AAHABV). She is a well known pioneer in the field of cancer care for companion animals and a founding member of the Veterinary Cancer Society. A 1972 graduate of UC Davis, she completed Dr. Gordon Theilen’s first mock residency program in oncology and has served the profession by consulting, writing and lecturing in the rapidly growing field of veterinary oncology and end of life care . She was awarded the UC Davis Alumni Achievement Award in 1994, and the Leo Bustad Companion Animal Veterinarian of the Year Award in 1999. She is editor-in-chief of the AAHABV Newsletter, Secretary of the Animal Health Foundation of the SCVMA and Founder of the Peter Zippi Memorial Fund for Animals, with over 10,000 rescued and placed pets.

Here is her endorsement:

It so happens that my heart resonates with Buckley’s Story and the wonders of the human-animal Bond that enriches the life of all animal lovers. I, too, have rescued a treasured “gimpy tortie.” Her name is Fern and she is wonderful. Turning the pages on Ingrid King’s heartwarming book about Buckley’s special ways and then her illness and her passing and after life care helps one feel more prepared to accept the cycle of life. The depth of Ingrid’s grief matched the height of her joy in the special human-animal bond that she celebrated with Buckley.

Thank you, Dr. Villalobos!  You can find more information about Dr. Villalobos and Pawspice, a program dedicated to the highest standard of compassionate cancer treatment and end of life palliative care to advanced stage and terminal pets by providing a unique Quality of Life Care Program at www.pawspice.com.

Buckley’s Story and I made an appearance at the Reston Pet Fiesta yesterday.  This is an annual event at the Reston Town Center in Reston, VA.  I’ve been attending the event as a visitor from the time they first started it several years ago, and for the past three years, Seneca Hill Animal Hospital Resort and Spa graciously allowed me to advertise my services at their booth since I see Reiki clients there. 

This year, I decided to get my own booth.  The Reston Town Center is my favorite place in this area – it’s the only place in the Northern Virginia suburbs that gives you a bit of an urban feel without having to go into the city.  The combination of wonderful restaurants, fun stores, and a beautiful plaza with chairs and tables arranged around a gorgeous fountain make it the perfect place to walk around, meet friends, or just sit by the fountain and people watch.  I held my book launch party at the Hyatt hotel at the Town Center for that reason – the place is that special to me – so getting a booth at this year’s Pet Fiesta was definitely something I wanted to do.  In addition to getting my own booth, I also sponsored a booth for Casey’s House, the private rescue group where Buckley came from. 

The day was perfect from start to finish.  The weather couldn’t have been better.  My booth location was excellent.   Two great friends came and took shifts helping me man (or should that be woman?) my booth.  Lots of other friends stopped by to say hi.  It was especially fun to meet a few people I previously only knew from Facebook.  I loved introducing Buckley’s Story to new people.  There’s nothing more fun than to meet and chat with other cat people.  I couldn’t believe it when it was 4pm and time to pack up already – the day flew by.

It was a successful day, for Buckley’s Story, and also for Casey’s House.  They brought three cats, and had interest in two of them – fingers crossed that they will go to their forever homes soon.  They got quite a few donations, and the raffle of the gift basket donated by Whimsy Cats generated some more funds for them.

Patches, Amber's daughter, on the left

And there was an interesting, unexpected visitor.  Cindy, the founder of Casey’s House, was in for quite a suprise when she unloaded her van at her booth and realized that her own cat Patches had hitched a ride!  Apparently, she snuck into one of the carriers the adoptable kitties were to go in, and Cindy didn’t notice her until she got to Reston!  What really made this special is that Patches is Amber’s daughter - she’s the only one of Amber’s kittens I was able to keep track of.  Unfortunately, Patches was not too terribly thrilled when she realized what she’d let herself in for, and spent the day in a big carrier, covered by a sheet.

I’m excited to announce that Buckley’s Story is featured in Barnes and Noble’s Rising Star Special Collection.   Another milestone along this amazing journey!   Not only is it an honor to be part of this collection, but it could also potentially open the doors to nationwide distribution at Barnes and Noble stores for Buckley’s Story. 

As an independently published author, I knew from the very beginning that I would have to do most of the promotion and marketing for my book myself.  And I was okay with that, I enjoy doing it, and I’m reaping the rewards of my hard work as I’m watching Buckley’s Story become more and more successful.  But there is one hurdle that can be very difficult to cross for indie authors, and that’s getting into national bookstores.  Currently, Buckley’s Story is available in several Barnes and Noble stores in Northern Virginia, and it can be special-ordered at any bookstore across the country, whether it’s Barnes and Noble, Border’s, Books-a-Million, or independent bookstores.  

As the indie movement in the music industry showed us, grass roots support can make or break a band.  Indie publishing is not that different in this respect – word of mouth from readers helps create buzz for a book, and the more that buzz builds, the more successful it will be.  And that’s where you, dear readers, come in!  I’ve been told by my publisher that Barnes and Noble buyers watch this Rising Star Collection page closely.  Traffic and demand coming through this page is an instrumental piece when a buyer is considering stocking a title in a store.

So, for the month of April, I would love it if you would help me get Buckley’s Story into stores by clicking on the Rising Star Collection link.  Click on the link, and click through to my book from there.  Click every day, and click often.   

Thank you for supporting Buckley’s Story and my dream!

Dreams really do come true.  And when they do, the feeling is almost indescribable.  Last night, I held a book discussion and signing at my local Barnes and Noble store.   And I’m glad I have photos to remind myself that yes, this really did happen, I did not just dream this.

Back in the days when Buckley’s Story was just an idea in the far reaches of my mind, the dream of being a published author was just that – a dream.  Holding a book signing at this particular Barnes and Noble store was part of the dream.  This is my hometown bookstore.  I’ve been going there since they first opened their doors I don’t even know how many years ago.  I’ve attended many author events at the store over the years and met many wonderful authors, including Diane Chamberlain, Emilie Richards, Ellen Crosby, Cara Black, and many many more.  Each time I’d go to see an author at the store, I wondered what it would be like to become a writer.  And once I started writing myself, I wondered whether some day, I would be the author who people came to see.  And after Buckley’s Story was published, I allowed myself to actually imagine myself being the author people would come to see.

Last night, I was that author.  And people actually came to see me.  I spoke about Animals as Teachers, and shared stories about some of the animals who’ve made a difference in my life even before Buckley came into it.  I answered questions from my audience (I had an audience!).  I signed a lot of books. 

And I got to experience the incredibly joyful, exhilarating and fantastic feeling of having a big dream come true.