Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy. ~Leo Buscaglia
I’m a recovering worrier. I have a long history of worrying, and I learned from the master. My dad had elevated worrying to an artform. It wasn’t until the final months of his life when he truly learned to live in the moment. During my last visit with him, when he was already very ill, he told me how he’d learned to “appreciate every flower, and every butterfly.” It sounds trite, but it resonated deeply with me, coming from a man who had spent so much of his life doing the exact opposite.
I was also fortunate that I had a feline master teacher who showed me how useless worrying is. During her illness, Buckley taught me how to stay in the moment and not get ahead of myself with worry. Even on her bad days, she never spent any time worrying about things like a bad test result or a poor prognosis. She did not waste precious moments wondering what every single new symptom might mean. She did not let herself obsess about a worst-case scenario, as so many humans (including me) would do in a similar situation.
She taught me that I could help her more by focusing on her well-being rather than worrying about whether she was going to get better. It was a constant process of redirecting my thoughts to something more positive, whenever the old pattern of worry reared its ugly head.
Did I stop worrying completely? No. I’m not a cat, I’m a human with all the flaws and shortcomings of the species. But I learned that there are some simple steps all of us can take that will help short-circuit the worry cycle.
1. Realize that you are in control. You may not be able to control the situation you’re worrying about, but you can control how you react. Victor E. Fankl’s writes in Man’s Search for Meaning:”Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
2. Create a “worry period.” Don’t make it longer than 15 minutes, and try to do it at the same time every day. During that period of time, you can worry about everything and anything you want. Let yourself go crazy. Imagine the worst case scenario. But that’s the only time of the day you get to do that. The rest of the day is a worry-free zone. If any thoughts of worry come up during the day, jot them down, then let them go. Remember, you can worry about them during your worry period.Chances are that after a few days of doing this, you’ll realize how pointless worrying is.
3. Accept uncertainty. Thinking about everything that could go wrong doesn’t make life any more predictable. We can’t control everything. Sometimes, things just happen. The only thing you can control is how you respond (see above).
4. Keep things in perspective. How many times do things really turn out as bad as you pictured them in your worries? Will any of the things you worried about still matter a year from now?
5. Relax with your cats. You can’t be anxious and relaxed at the same time. Relaxing with your cats will calm your runaway mind, and as a result, you’ll worry less.
Are you a worrier? What has helped you break the worry cycle?
Thank you for this post. I find myself coming back to read and re-read it these last few days. We found a big sore in our sweetie P.L.’s (Princess Leia’s) mouth. The Vet said she believes she somehow poked herself and it got infected. However, several days after antibiotics I’m not seeing the kind of healing I was hoping for. My ultimate worry is oral squamous cell 🙁 I’m driving myself crazy, making myself sick with worry. Crying tears over the worst case scenario when we don’t even know for sure yet! But like you said, things happen that we can’t control. The worry really doesn’t help anything except rob today of any possible joy. I’m trying my very hardest to keep all of this in mind. I’ll probably be back to give this post another read, or ten 🙂 Thank you for your kind words. I can see you truly understand.
I’m so sorry about your baby, Jennifer. I know it’s hard to not go to a worst case scenario. Sending lots of love your way!
This helpped me. Ive been so worried about my lil boy, Tiger, who I think has hyperthyroidism. Ive been crying and worried about the worst possible outcome, but this helped me realize that I need to just stop worrying so much because its not helpping me and its not helpping him. Im glad I found this. I feel alot better. I’m already folloing the step of relaxing with your cat, he is next to me purring as I type this. Thank you so much for this. Ive had a problem with worrying for so long from my anxiety disorder but this is actually helping. Thank you again!
I’m so glad this helped, Adrian!
I found my cat a better home and to my surprize i still worry about her and i miss her’ but i have more time to do stuff.thanks for writing back
As a “chronic worrier” (and oddly enough, a daughter to a dad who has elevated worrying to an artform too), I can only say: THANK YOU!!! Thank you Ingrid for sharing these great tips! Knowing that you were able to control your worrying habits makes me feel I can do it too!!! 🙂
What I have personally experienced too, is that it is impossible to concentrate on TWO things at the same time: worries disappear when I focus on my creativity, or on something that makes me happy.
I’m a work in progress, Anna :-). I love that you can’t worry when you focus on your creativity. I think that’s probably true any time we do something we love. Love and worry can’t coexist.
Marvelous article, Ingrid. Long ago, a friend gave me some priceless advice: “Don’t borrow.” Her point was that I was worrying about something that hadn’t happened yet, would probably NOT happen and, even if it did, there was nothing I could do to prevent it. In the meantime, I was squandering the precious present.
Another wise woman showed me how to live life fearlessly, with absolute joy, even though she had just been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. The diagnosis was not what she’d expected, and she was initially devastated. As we were leaving the doctor’s office, she said, “I need some time to wallow in self-pity, so tonight I’m going to cry a lot and feel really sorry for myself. But tomorrow we’re going to Disneyland and we’re going to have fun there.” And we did.
I’m in awe of your friend’s attitude, Bobbi – what an inspiration.
Ahhhh …. “Relax with your cats.” I like that part of the instructions the best. Great post.
pawhugs, Max
As always, cats know best, Max.