This is going to be a very different Mother’s Day for a lot of moms out there. My heart goes out to those of you who can’t be with your moms or your kids today. While video calls have been a wonderful way to stay connected while we’re all staying home, it’s just not the same as being able to hug each other and be together. 

As hard as it is, I still hope that most people will be sensible and not undo two months of social distancing. We’ll all have to get creative in how we celebrate our moms safely this year.

I also think it’s important to allow yourself to feel the sadness this day may bring, whether you’re a mom who can’t be with her kids, or a grown “child” who can’t be with Mom. And let’s face it, during times like these, must of us really want our moms!

For those of us who’ve lost our moms, the sadness this day bring is nothing new, but we may feel it more deeply this year, since we’ve already been living in an almost constant state of grief for the past two months: grief over the collective loss of our normal lives, anticipatory grief over what life will be like after the pandemic, and of course, grief over the loss of lives, even if you’ve been fortunate to not have lost someone close to you. So don’t be surprised if you find yourself feeling the absence of your mother more than you have in past years.

My mom passed away 26 years ago. The pain of missing her has faded after all these years, but I still feel some sadness, and I’ve been finding myself missing her a lot more in recent weeks and months. I also often find myself reflecting on the hardships she lived through during World War II in Germany, especially when I feel like I can’t stand this current situation for even one more day. She lived through a lot worse for six years. I hope I come through this current challenge with even a fraction of the grace she showed then.

Mom and Feebee
My mom with Feebee, spring of 1985

Whether you’re the mom of human or feline children, try to find ways to enjoy today. Look through photos of happier times, do some journaling, go for a walk in nature, order takeout or delivery from your favorite restaurant. Most of all, find something to be grateful for, even now.

And if your mom is no longer with you, I hope today is filled with wonderful memories of your time together.

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21 Comments on Happy Mother’s Day 2020

  1. Thank you for your thoughtful post. You are right, we are all grieving at the moment. These uncertain times have played havoc with our emotional balance. I just don’t feel like myself anymore. My mother has had health problems over the past 10 years and it has really changed her. She is currently hospitalized and I can’t see her, but I call daily. The hospital just relaxed their visitor policy but I just can’t risk it. My daughter is having surgery this week and I have to social distance even more vigilantly to keep her safe. Our kitties are our constant comfort right now. They keep us entertained and allow us a little break from the madness. They are loving all the attention from us and we are loving the joy they give in return.

    • Oh Lisa, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with both your mother in the hospital and your daughter having surgery. All my best to all of you!

  2. My mom passed in 2013. I miss her every single day. While I say a prayer for her on Mother’s Day (and other days) I savor the cards (bought by my hubby) given to me by my kits. I’m mom to my two kits, Dawn and Winston, and I relish that.

  3. Ingrid,
    Thank you, for this heartfelt post.
    I am finding it very difficult to even say anything that beings with the word “happy”. I haven’t sorted it out yet. And sorting is an ongoing triage process these days. I too am spending time thinking of the things my elders (all passed) told us about how things were for them, although they really didn’t want to spend too much time talking about those times except to help us never let it happen again. Now, there is a new connection to history. I too hope I can move through with grace and kindness.

  4. Hi Ingrid – Like you, my mom passed away some time ago, in my case over 20 years. She was almost 95 and had severe Alzheimer’s but I try to remember her as she was before that as she was my best friend and we loved our time together. I miss her, especially right now. I’m a cat mom too and I believe my kids are planning something for later today. Happy Mother’s Day Ingrid!!

  5. Beautiful pictures of you and Allegra and your Mom with Feebee…Wishing you a Happy Mother’s Day…My Mom is gone over 20 years and I will be home with my Furkids. Xoxox

    • Wishing you a Mothers Day filled with special memories. My Mom has been gone 26 years also. Her love still comforts me every day.
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts & that sweet picture of your Mom & FeeBee.

  6. Hi Ingrid..We should be grateful for video calls, until better can be had..Also I would have loved your picture, with your beautiful tortie, if you could have just mustered up a little smile, if only in your eyes..Your Happy Mother’s greeting, does not convey, “Happy” at all..Try to fake it til you make it..I have followed your column for a long time and the face you are displaying, is very depressing to me, and maybe to other readers also..I know you are hurting, from the loss of your baby, but you still have a beautiful baby to celebrate..All animal lovers at one time or another go thru, having to let our babies go..For me the best thing to do is go get a new baby, who needs your love and help and will provide some stimulation, to Allegra..and some smiles from you..I always think, when a beautiful baby passes’ it’s time to step up and help the next deserving, little furball..It is an opportunity both for you and a needy kitty..If you are crying, I understand, first hand..I don’t mean to be harsh, just to help give you a push..I’m sure Allegra would love to see you smiling again..Ruby too! Animals know..

    • Everybody grieves differently, and I would appreciate if you didn’t make assumptions on what I should or shouldn’t be doing, or what I was feeling when I snapped this selfie. I know you meant well, but this comment did not sit well with me at all.

      • You are correct ,Ingrid..People grieve differently..Since you lost Ruby, your whole tone has changed, and it makes me think you are in a depression, and maybe need help..The posts from your readers show the concern we are all feeling for you..I’m sorry to have upset you, and wish you the best..

  7. Ingrid this post was so beautiful! Love the photo of you at the top with Allegra, (I know this day has to be extra hard for you too because of your Mom and sweet Ruby…sending you TONS of extra love!!) Also, your words of advice are wonderful. I am seeing my OWN family members (NOT US), breaking restrictions and it is extremely upsetting. They are driving to see each other. Lenny and I aren’t doing that and we are catching A LOT of heat for not doing so but we don’t care. We want to be safe and the more people “stretch” the restrictions, the more they are endangering themselves and others. Also, I want you to know I DID NOT FORGET you or Joanne! Just haven’t gotten my act together to do a post……….I hope to do so soon!!! Lots of love today and always and Happy Mother’s Day! xoxo

    • I fear that a lot of people will break restrictions today, and I applaud you for not doing it despite family pressure. I know it’s hard, we’re all sick of isolating, but better to be sick of isolation than to be sick, right! Be safe and stay healthy! xoxo

  8. Happy Mother’s Day! Thank you for honoring moms everywhere, including those we might have lost, and whether moms of children or of pets.

  9. Ingrid & Allegra,

    Happy Mom’s Day! Nice pic of the both of you. Then, the pic of your Mom & FeeBee, happy/sad memories we celebrate.

    Grayson, Milo, Hamish, Nan

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