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A Tribute to Amber from Conversations with Eva

Author's Life| 5 Comments

Guest Post by Eva Cat

EVA:  Sad week.

R:  Yes.  A very sad week.

EVA:  Sad bunny.  Sad cow.  Sad Amber.

R:  Yes, many sad things this week.  And Amber’s Mom is very sad, too.

EVA:  I love Amber.

R:  Yes, all of us love Amber.

EVA:  Up.

R:  Up.

EVA:  Hugs, please.  Snuggles, please.                  Sad.

R:   Yes.  Very, very sad.           

In Memory of Our Friend, Amber

Eva is the newest addition to a home already full of very needy, special-needs cats that pretty much run the place.  Her human, “R”, does the best she can to try to keep up with Eva and maybe, if she’s lucky, stay one-half step ahead of her.  

A Tribute to Amber from The Daily Tail

Author's Life| 10 Comments

Guest Post by Daniela Caride

It’s so easy to become friends with someone whom I admire and who shares with me at least two interests. Hiking, writing, dogs, cats, blogging, community work — I think of my friends and see a huge list of commonalities. 

I’ve never seen cat blogger Ingrid King, though. We live 500 miles apart. I’ve never heard her voice, either. Not even by phone. I “met” Ingrid on the Internet because we both blog about pets and love them unconditionally.

But thanks to our frequent e-mail exchange, I learned how generous she is with her knowledge and love of animals. And maybe because, as bloggers, we reveal so much about ourselves, I can picture Ingrid’s life quite vividly from a distance. 

I can see her working long hours at her desk at home, doing Reiki on her patients, standing by the window beside her kitten, Allegra, drinking tea while watching the snow fall during a cold morning. 

Somehow, I feel very close to Ingrid — like friends who have always lived far away from each other. 

Yesterday, Ingrid’s 12-year-old Tortie cat Amber succumbed to an aggressive virus that weakened her suddenly and inadvertently. I just couldn’t believe my eyes when I read Ingrid’s e-mail. It was sudden and unexpected. 

“I’m still in shock,” she said in the e-mail. “I keep hoping I’ll wake up and find that these last ten days were just a bad dream.”

Now I picture Ingrid watching with her peripheral vision a cat approaching from another room. A second later, her heart skips a beat. She realizes it’s Allegra, not Amber, as she previously thought. I see Ingrid following her routine, reaching for two dishes for the cats’ afternoon meal. Then she feels a lump in her throat. She only needs one dish this time. 

From afar, I feel hopeless sitting at my desk and writing about Amber, not able to ring Ingrid’s bell, give her a hug, offer my sympathies as any other friend. 

But maybe I’ll be lucky enough to make Ingrid understand, through this mournful letter, that the distance doesn’t mean that much. That, from afar, I am holding her hand.

Daniela Caride is the publisher of The Daily Tail (http://www.TheDailyTail.com), a participatory blog about pets with stories, tips, and reviews. She lives with three cats, Crosby, Gaijin and Phoenix, three dogs, Frieda, Geppetto and Lola, and her husband, Martin, in Cambridge, MA.

This Week on The Conscious Cat: A Tribute to Amber

Author's Life| 16 Comments

After losing my beautiful girl so unexpectedly and suddenly last Thursday, I’ve been struggling.  I’ve experienced loss before.  I lost my first cat, Feebee, after a lengthy battle with lymphoma in April of 2000.  I lost my office cat Virginia two years later after a brief decline, caused by her FIV positive status.  And I lost Buckley Thanksgiving weekend of 2008 after receiving a dire prognosis of restrictive cardiomyopathy a few months earlier.  All of these losses were difficult.  I coped as best I could.  I survived.  And I thought that, as a result of getting through these past losses, I would be better prepared to deal with this most recent one.  After all, I’m the person others turn to when they need help coping with losing a pet.

But when I had to let Amber go after a brief, severe illness, I was completely blind-sided by the depth and intensity of my grief.  I had never lost a cat without having lots of time to prepare.  Anticipatory grief, like all grief, is painful, but by its very nature, it is, for lack of a better word, a bit more gentle.  This sudden, unexpected grief has been simply devastating.  I’m still unable to really put this experience into words, and I’m still struggling.

Amber was my heart.  She was the inspiration behind The Conscious Cat, and it just doesn’t feel right to return to “business as usual” when I’m still in deep mourning.

The one bright spot during these dark days have been my friends – both real life and online.  The outpouring of support from my online friends has been overwhelming, and incredibly comforting.   For the most part, these are people I’ve never met in person.  We’ve connected through blogs, Facebook, Twitter, and e-mail.  Most of us have never even spoken on the phone.  And yet, they’ve all been there for me in various ways – offering cyber hugs, expressing their sadness and support in comments on this site and on Facebook, sending private messages and e-mails.  Their love and support feels no less real than the love and support of my real life friends.  I’m blessed to have every single one of them in my life.

Several of my online friends also ran tributes to Amber on their blogs.  So, instead of our regular fare of cat health information, feline lifestyle and book reviews, this week, I’ll be honoring Amber’s memory and celebrating her life by running some of these tributes here on The Conscious Cat.

Thank you, all of you, for your outpouring of support – each and every one of your comments, e-mails and private messages means so much.

Amber

Author's Life| 75 Comments

Amber
July 29, 1998 – May 13, 2010
Be at Peace, Beautiful Girl

My beautiful girl died peacefully at home in my arms late yesterday afternoon, with the loving and gentle assistance of my dear friend and Amber’s vet, Fern.

As some of you already know, she had been sick for ten days and at the Hope Center for Advance Veterinary Medicine in intensive care for the last three and a half days. We just received confirmation today that what we had suspected was true – a calici virus had ravaged her system, causing multiple problems ranging from laryngitis to pancreatitis, complicated by an underlying heart problem we didn’t even know she had, which made it impossible to find the right balance between providing supportive care and not pushing her heart too far. Yesterday it looked like she was getting better, but yesterday morning, she took a turn for the worse, and her prognosis was so poor that I decided against further treatment. I took her home and spent the afternoon with her. The final good-bye was very peaceful.

Amber was a wise old soul in a feline body. Her gentle, loving presence brought so much happiness and joy to my life these past ten years. She was the inspiration behind The Conscious Cat, and even had her own column here, titled Amber’s Mewsings. You can read her entire story here.

I’m still in shock – I keep hoping I’ll wake up and find that these last ten days were just a bad dream. I’m going to miss my beautiful girl terribly. Her little sister Allegra only got to know her for a little over a month, and it breaks my heart that the two of them never got a chance to become close.

Amber taught me to slow down, to appreciate the gentleness in each moment, and to listen with and to my heart. Every cat we loose takes another little piece of our hearts. Amber took a big piece of mine tonight.

Nutra-Thrive-Cat

Happy Mother’s Day 2010

Author's Life| 8 Comments

Happy Mother’s Day from Ingrid, Amber and Allegra

If you’re fortunate enough to still have your mom in your life, be sure to tell her that you love her today, and every day.  My mother passed away 16 years ago, and I still miss her.  Even after all these years, I still feel a pang when I see Mother’s Day cards appear in stores.

But I also celebrate Mother’s Day as Amber’s and Allegra’s Mom.  Some of you have gotten to know Amber here on The Conscious Cat through her Mewsings.  She was a mother herself when I first met her, so I thought I’d share her story here with you again today.

In the spring of 2000, Amber and her five kittens were brought to the animal hospital I managed by a client who had found the little family in her barn.  Despite being emaciated and scrawny-looking, Amber’s eventual beauty was evident even then.  Her kittens found new homes in fairly rapid succession.

However, nobody was interested in the beautiful mommy cat.  She spent her days in the big adoption cage in the hospital’s waiting area, but with the constant inflow of homeless kittens that is typical for spring and summer, nobody wanted to adopt an adult cat.  I had recently lost my almost sixteen-year-old soul mate cat Feebee, and the grief over his loss was still very fresh.  I did not think I was ready for another cat, but coming home to an empty house was becoming increasingly difficult.

One weekend in July, I decided to take Amber home, “just for the weekend”.  I wanted to give her a break from the abandoned feral kitten we had placed with her after her own kittens had all found homes.  The kitten was a rambunctious six-week old grey tabby, and Amber was becoming increasingly exasperated with his constant need for attention.  As far as she was concerned, she had done her mommy duty with her own kittens.

After living in a cage for all these months, Amber was initially a little overwhelmed by having access to an entire house, and she spent most of that first weekend near or under my bed.  By Sunday evening, she began to  relax a little and started exploring her new environment.  I liked having her gentle and peaceful energy around the house, and I decided that she could stay a little longer.  Not quite ready to acknowledge that she was home with me to stay, I told everyone that I was “just fostering her”. Somehow, the flyers advertising that she was available for adoption never got distributed, and she only returned to the animal hospital for regular check ups.

Amber is a gentle, loving cat with a wise old soul.  For the past nine years, her peaceful and solid presence, not to mention her almost constant purr, have been bringing love and affection into my life every day.  She enjoys sleeping in our sunny living room, curling up with me when I sit down to read or to watch television, and watching the birds at the feeder on our deck.

She is a teacher to the core of her being, and she is my writing muse.  There are days when I sit down in front of the computer and stare at the blank screen with no idea of what I’m going to be writing about, but as soon as she comes into the room and curls up on the window perch next to my desk for a long nap, I feel inspired, and the words start flowing.

Animals come into our lives for many reasons.  Some very special animals touch our souls and change us forever.  Amber is one of these special animals.

Amber

 

Allegra’s World: One Month Update

Allegra's World| 13 Comments

I know you’re all waiting for an update from my big sister Amber on how things are going with the two of us, but Amber is feeling a little under the weather, so my new mom said I could write on this computer.  Weeee – I’m a blogging kitten!  Fun!

My new mom said she introduced me to you in her blog New Family Member.  I’ve been here exactly one month now!  Kittens can’t really tell time, but my new mom said it’s been a month, and since she’s my  mom, I believe her.  I’m just a kitten, I don’t know things like time.

I really like it here.  At first, I wasn’t sure about anything.  My new mom seemed nice enough, but I really didn’t know her, although her energy felt very special – I did notice that from the first moment I met her.  My new big sister Amber didn’t seem too thrilled to have me come live there.  If I so much as I got within a few feet of her, she’d hiss and growl at me.  All I want to do is play – I don’t mean to harass her!  Okay, well, maybe a little….  I heard my new mom say to someone that she’d forgotten about kitten energy.  I guess that means she didn’t remember how playful, energetic, and, okay, crazy, us kittens can get.  Sometimes I just feel so much joy, I have to race through the entire house, tear around corners, jump up and down furniture, and just generally go nuts – it’s the only way I can think of to express this much joy!  I think Amber at least tolerates me now.  We do hang out in the same room together and take our naps together, but on different pieces of furniture.

There are so many things I like about my new home.  One of the best things is that there are lots of windows!  Before I came here, I lived in a cage at an animal hospital.  They were all really nice to me there, but the only way I could look out a window is if I leaned very far toward the front corner of my cage, and even then, I could only catch a glimpse of daylight, but not really see what was going on outside.  Here, I can look out of any given window and see trees.  Trees are fun, especially when the leaves are moving in the wind!  I want to chase them!  I know I could catch them!  I’m fast!  And there’s also birds, and squirrels.  Boy, I’d love to catch me a squirrel – how much fun would that be!

But there are lots of fun things for a kitten like me inside, too.  I have never seen so many toys!  They’re everywhere!  And my new mom is really fun to play with.   She tosses mousies for me to chase, and laughs when I fly across the room after them.  Weeee!  I love making my new mom laugh!  And there are so many other things to play with, but my new mom says they aren’t toys, and sometimes she takes them away from me.  Like the time I pried off the wooden screw on the stairwell.  I worked really hard at it to get it loose, and it made such a cool noise when I batted it around!  But my new mom said I couldn’t keep it to play with and took it away.  Not to worry.  I found another one and pried that loose, too.  Same thing – she took it away.  Oh well.  It’s not like I don’t have plenty of other things to play with.

My new mom is really great.  Even though there are times when she tells me I can’t do something (like when I pounce on my big sister, or go after what my new mom calls people food, or when I bite her hands when she plays with me), mostly, I can tell that she really loves me.  I love being part of a family.  I just wish my big sister would like me more.  I try so hard to make her like me.  I do all kinds of cute kitten things:  I pounce on her if she’s walking by me.  I creep up behind her so she can’t see me coming and then I jump out and startle her.  I particularly like to run after her when she’s going to the litter box and I don’t understand why my new mom gets so upset with me when I do that.  I just want to play and I want Amber to like me.

Earlier this week, though, we had a really special moment, and it felt really nice.  Amber was sitting by the screen door enjoying the spring breeze wafting in and feeling the sun on her fur.  I could sense that she wasn’t feeling well, so I exercised great restraint and just approached her very very slowly.  (I also didn’t want to get hissed at yet again!).  She gave me that look she usually gives me when I annoy her, and I froze.  But there was no hissing this time, so I got brave.  I slowly continued to inch closer, until I was right next to her, and for a while, we both looked out the window together.  It was really nice.  I just wish she’d understand that it’s really hard for me to be that quiet, and that I’d much rather she loosen up a bit and play with me!

Anyway – that’s my world.  My new mom, my big sister Amber, and my new home.  I am one happy kitten.

Pretty Litter

Amber’s Mewsings: Amber Has a Boyfriend

Amber's Mewsings| 7 Comments

I know you’ve all been waiting to hear more about my new sister Allegra.  Things are going fine, I guess I’ve accepted she’s here to stay, and I’m kind of getting used to her, and that’s all I’m going to say about that today.   Because today’s post is all about me!

Today, I’m going to share a secret with you that I’ve kept close to my heart for a while, but I think it’s time to go public with it.  Some of you might have an inkling of what I’m getting ready to say if you’ve been reading some of the comments on previous Mewsings.  So – here it goes:  for the last few months, I’ve been in a long distance relationship.

My boyfriend’s name is Domino, and he lives in Westchester, NY with one of Mom’s online friends, Layla Morgan Wilde, who has a blog called The Boomer Muse (hmm – she and I must be kindred spirits on some level – Amber’s Mewsings, Boomer Muse….anyway, I digress).  Computer savvy cat that I am, I met Domino online on a regular feature on the Boomer Muse called Cat Saturday.  He’s very handsome.  I now know what humans mean when they say “my heart skipped a beat,” because that’s exactly what it felt like when I first saw his picture.  As I got to know him better, I found out that he’s a bit of a danger dude, which, I’m embarassed to admit, only added to his appeal.  He doesn’t actually live with Layla, he lives in her yard and on her porch.  See, he’s a feral cat, and even though he shows up regularly for food and even takes advantage of the warm nest of blankets Layla leaves for him in the winter, he refuses to come inside, no matter how hard she tries.  His freedom loving spirit won’t allow him to let himself be confined, even though it would make his life a lot safer.  My tough guy is a roamer at heart, and he can’t be tied down.  I worry about him, though – not too long ago, he got hurt when he defended his turf against an intruder cat, and for a few days, he not only didn’t look so good, but he wasn’t doing all that great, either.  Thank goodness Layla was able to mix some medicine in with his food and he got better.

But I’m not just attracted to his handsome physique and bad boy ways – I’m not that shallow!  Domino has a big heart, and I’m sure that underneath that tough guy exterior, there’s a big softie waiting just waiting for the purrfect female to tame his wild heart.  Sigh, a girl can dream, can’t she?  He showed his softer side the other day, when an injured raccoon found its way onto “his” porch.  Some of you may be familiar with the term “holding the space” – it means creating a quiet, safe and peaceful environment for another by  being completely secure and centered in oneself and focusing healing energy on  another.  Domino did that for the raccoon, setting aside his ingrained fear of humans.  You can read the whole story here.  My hero!

So now you know.  Domino and I communicate telepathically from heart to heart.  It’s not as good as being able to be together and snuggle, but it’s pretty nice.

Photograph © Layla Morgan Wilde

Amber’s Mewsings: Getting Used to My New Sister

Amber's Mewsings| 11 Comments

I know you’ve all been waiting to hear how things are going at my house since the arrival of my new little sister Allegra last week.  Yup, she’s been here an entire week now.  Guess she’s here to stay.  The first couple of days, I was kind of thinking maybe she was just visiting, but oh well.  I’m starting to get used to her.  Mom is making sure that I get plenty of attention, and that really helps.  In fact, I’m writing this on the laptop – and I mean that literally.  I’m on top of Mom’s lap, and typing away on the computer.   It’s the best place in the world to be, and for now, it’s all mine.  Allegra is taking an after dinner nap in the chair across from us.  She hasn’t figured out how to be a lap kitty yet.  I know she will sooner or later, and then I’ll have to share again like I did with my sister Buckley, so I’m enjoying this while I can.  I’m showing Mom how much I love it with a huge purr while I’m writing this.

Anyway – it’s been interesting having this youngster around.  It doesn’t take much to amuse her.  In her world, everything is a toy, whether it’s the shadow on the wall, the reflection of a prism on the floor, or a Q-tip.  As you can see in the photo above, I’m exhausted from just watching her – always on the move, always running around.  Unfortunately, she actually thinks she can make friends with me by pouncing on me.  I think not!  I just hiss at her and if she gets really obnoxious, I swat at her.  Mom says she just wants to play and get to know me, but I have to tell you, she better find a less annoying approach to get on my good side.  For now, I’m focusing on making sure she knows I’m in charge – make no mistake about that!

I can tell that she’s starting to calm down a little, though.  The first few days, she was on the go constantly, exploring our house, playing with all the toys we have all over the house, and looking out the windows.  She’d barely slow down long enough for Mom to get in a pat or two. The last few days, she’s been more relaxed.  I think she’s finally starting to believe that this cool place is really her new home.  I know how she feels – I couldn’t believe it either when Mom first brought me here almost ten years ago.

There is one very annoying problem, though, and I sure hope Mom figures out a way to make it better.  I’m talking about feeding time.  Now mind you, I love my food, and I’m a hearty eater.  But I like to savor my meals and extend the pleasure by eating a third or half of it, and then come back a little while later to finish the rest.  Allegra has no culture whatsoever when it comes to meal time – she just inhales the kitten food Mom puts in front of her.  I’ve never seen a cat eat so fast!  The bad thing is that when she’s finished with her own dish, she goes after mine (not while I’m eating, though – at least she has more sense that that!).  Mom’s been trying to stay on top of things and puts my dish out of reach when I’m done with the first part of my meal, but it’s a problem when Mom can’t keep an eye on things. Like the other day, Mom went out for a while.  She said she’d be gone past our dinner time, so she fed fed us before she left.  What she doesn’t know is that the second she was out the door, Allegra went and finished everything that was left on my dish.  The nerve!

But all in all, it’s not so bad.  I can tell that Mom is already in love with Allegra, and that makes me happy for her.  I know Mom’s heart is big enough to love both of us.  I think once Allegra settles down a little bit more, and once she understands that I’m in charge, no if’s, and’s or but’s, I’m going to like having her for my little sister.  I know I have a lot to teach her, and I’m not just talking about manners.

Amber’s Mewsings: Training My New Sister

Amber's Mewsings| 8 Comments

So you already know from Mom that we have a new baby in the house.  I could tell something was up when Mom came home one day last week and she was all excited and said something about a kitten and then she let me smell her hands and there was kitten scent all over them.  I didn’t think anything of it until she kept telling me that we were going to get a new family member.  She really tried to prepare me, I’ll give her that.  It’s been over a year now since my sister Buckley passed on, and I kind of liked being the only cat again and having Mom’s undivided attention.  Sure, it got lonely sometimes, but Mom is home a lot, and when she’s not, I sleep most of the time anyway.

But apparently Mom had made up her mind, and on Tuesday, she brought Allegra home.  At first, I couldn’t believe it.  I really wasn’t thrilled, and I made sure that both Mom and this new interloper knew it.  I may be totally sweet most of the time, but I can hiss and growl with the best of them.  Besides, I have to make sure this little whippersnapper knows who’s in charge around here!  The first day, I pretty much just stayed  away from Allegra, and watched her from a safe distance.  If she came too close, I gave her a warning growl or hiss.  A couple of times, she pushed her luck, and I had to smack her upside the head.   I know Mom was upset, she knew I wasn’t happy and she hated that her decision to bring Allegra home was the reason for it.  I tried to tell her that I understood she didn’t do it to upset me, I knew she couldn’t help herself, but it was not a happy day.  That evening, I was relieved when Mom took me to bed with her.  That’s our time together, we always snuggle at night, and I was really glad that even having a new baby in the house wasn’t going to change that.  I stayed snuggled up against Mom all night long, and that felt really nice, like old times.

Unfortunately, when I woke up the next morning, the little pipsqueak was still here.  I hadn’t just dreamed the whole thing.  The day didnt start out so great.  I was minding my own business, heading down the stairs to use the litterbox downstairs hoping for some privacy when the little stinker attacked me from behind.  Boy, was I mad!  I swatted and hissed at her.   Thankfully, the day got better as it went on.  I continued to keep a close eye on her, and it was actually kind of fun to watch her get used to our house.  She’s fascinated with windows.  I guess I’ve gotten kind of blasé about them, taking our backyard views of birds and squirrels for granted, but I still remember what it was like when I first came here.  It was almost overwhelming – so many windows to look out from, so many soft places to sit, it’s hard to know where to start, and I was an adult at the time and much smarter, not a little kitten like Allegra.

Anyway, I relaxed a little bit more, and as a result, I could feel Mom relaxing, too.  She really worries about me, and I love her for it.  And then something really fun happened – a big box arrived, and when Mom opened it, I realized that it was filled with cans of cat food!  So I had to go check it out.  When Allegra joined me, it didn’t even bother me, and we both helped Mom unpack the food.  Good to know that Allegra and I have that in common – we both love our food!

The last two nights, Allegra even slept in our bed with us for part of the night.  At first I wasn’t crazy about it, but I was safely curled up in Mom’s arms, and as long as I get to do that, all is well with my world, and I guess I can be big-hearted enough to allow this little kitten on our bed, too.

It will be interesting here, now that there’s three of us again.  Mom told me she’s counting on me to show Allegra the ropes, and I won’t let her down.

New Family Member: Meet Allegra

Author's Life| 21 Comments

The Conscious Cat has a new family member!  Amber and I are excited to welcome Allegra into our hearts and into our home.  Well, right now I might be a little more excited than Amber, but so far, things have been going really well.  Amber is watching the newcomer from a cautious distance, and if she comes too close for comfort, she lets Allegra know who’s in charge.

I found Allegra on Facebook on the page of a local veterinary hospital. When I contacted the page administrator for more information, I was told that she was seven months old and “very very sweet, loves cats, loves dogs, loves people, loves life!”    I knew I had to meet this little girl.  The first time I met her, I spent about an hour in an exam room with her.  She was your typical ADHD kitten – discovering and exploring everything, whether it was a stethoscope hanging from a hook on the wall or a syringe cap on the floor.  She didn’t pay all that much attention to me, but I started to fall in love with her anyway.  However, I didn’t want to make a hasty decision.  I had only just begun to even think about bringing another cat into our lives.  I didn’t know whether I wanted a kitten or an adult cat.  So I went home, slept on it, thought about it – and I just couldn’t get Allegra out of my mind.  I went back to see her again the next morning.  And that’s when I just knew.   She was meant to come home with us.

Her background, as far as I know it, is this:  she was rescued from a county shelter in Maryland, and fostered by two different foster moms.  Her most recent foster mom described her as a “total love bug lap kitty” who loved to follow her everywhere.

I brought her home yesterday morning.   And so a new chapter in our lives begins.  Allegra spent most of yesterday exploring her new home.  She was particularly fascinated by windows – something she hadn’t been able to enjoy for the last ten days when she lived at the animal hospital.  Everything seemed to delight her – bumble bees flying by, leaves blowing in the wind, squirrels rushing by outside.  It’s so much fun watching her discover her world.

Amber is not so sure this was a good idea just yet.  I’m sure you’ll hear all about it from Amber herself soon.  And you never know, Allegra might eventually want to contribute to The Conscious Cat, too, once she adjusts to her new home and new life.

Nutra-Thrive-Cat